ok so ... tomorrow ... tomorrow for me is heaven ...well ... it was SUPPOSED to be heaven ...
i leave *thank god* to go back to my house , to my bed , to my stuff , to my dog , to my *Friends* ... friends who im worried about ... ive been told that i worry to much and you kno what , that might be true so right now , i could possibly be overreacting but right now i just need to get some things straight ... and yea i am probably speaking to quite a few people out there and pretty much everyone knows WHAT im talking about but im not mentioning names because ... well im not mentioning names and leaving it at that

8th grade ... 8th grade was the worst school year that i have ever had to experience ... yet ... it was one of the greatest experiences of my life . i hated school and i hated the people in it except for those who helped me through the entire thing aka the amazing people i currently call my friends . and dont get me wrong i mean ... there were DEFINITELY ups and downs with friends too -sigh- we can all name one biiiiiiig fight that happened ... and its unfortunate to say that i was part of it ... the second time =.=; . well it wasnt easy to get through and im surprised that we all made it through without killing one another because i can tell you ... i was definitely about to kill someone >..< . well anyway we all got through it but we knew that anything else could mean the end of a friendship permanently . and ive been away for 6 weeks as of thursday . or something like that . w/e it feels like 6 YEARS especially with the limited contact that ive received in the weeks which is sad / hard to believe i mean . things have changed so much ... maybe they did even wen i was there but i just didnt realize it because i was there every step of the way . well now im definitely realizing that things change ... way way too fast . as in "a day" which is crazy . i mean aparently everyone misses me *yay* but they dont want to tell me everything . i guess that would mean distrust which would mean ... whats it gonna be like in high school ?? i guess i just want everyone to know ... im expecting change . and lots of it ........................ and its probably not a good thing and i kno well try to fight it and blah blah blah but i just cant do that anymore ... i need to just break away from it all ... maybe i shouldnt come back tomorrow . maybe i need to come back tomorrow . well , were about to find out .


-Lukas

Your wedding song:
Girlfriend *Japanese Version* - o___O;;

You and your bf/gf's song:
Potential Breakup Song *ironic eh xDD* - btw thank you JEEMIN for insisting i buy that last summer ... =.=

When your parents yell at you, they scream:
We Fly High - dude wtf ...

The song that best describes you:
Fake Your Way To The Top -does this mean im gettin FAMOUS ?? xDDD [[i hope sooooooo xD]]

The song that best describes your friends:
Colors *Vocalless MIX* - ummmm ... ok ????? xD

When you're mad, you play:
I Need Your Love Tonight - go elvisssssss xD

The song that will be played at your funeral:
With You *yes the chris brown one* - ummmm ... what ?!?!?! xDD

The song you'll sing along to in the shower:
Behind These Hazel Eyes - ok i love this song and completely had forgotten about it [xD] but ummm ... i have green eyes xD

The song you secretly air guitar to:
Prolouge / Little Shop Of Horrors - DUDE WTF ... THIS HAS NO GUITAR o______O;;

The song you listen to when you're happy:
Theme From "Family Guy" - hehe

When you're sad:
P.S. I'm Still Not Over You - ok i actually used to listen to that song wen i was sad ... but then i got over it xD ... i miss this song too !! xD

When you're mad:
Nobody's Home

When you're feeling violent:
Sweet Misery - ummmm i think that should be the next one ?? xD

When you're depressed:
My Heroine - forget the above comment because this song ttly works ... xD


When you're stressed:
Beautiful Liar - X______X

When you're excited:
Because Of You

The song you dance to:
We Went As Far As We Felt Like Going - ok ... reasonable enough x]]

The song you listen to when you're in love with someone:
Highway To Nowhere

Your first day of school:
Losing Grip

Fight song:
How To Deal - OMG NIKKI I MISS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH DX COME BACK AND ILL TAKE YOU TO A FRANKIE J CONCERT GIRL !!

How you feel when you see your crush:
Cartoon Heroes - o ... my ... fucking ... god ... 'nough said

When you get emberrassed:
Everytime We Touch Yanyou's Candle Light Remix - ... huh ?!

Song that describes your life:
Ain't No Mountain High Enough - ... ummmmmmm i never understood the message this song tried to send xD

Song you'll sing at your graduation, or the song you shouldv'e sang:
4ever - ... xDDDD

Song that describes your pet:
Love Song - awwwwwww most definitely xD

Song that describes your school:
Run - ROFL !!!!!!!!

Song that describes your town:
Kinjirareta Asobi - lmaooooooooooooo

How you feel when you are sick:
Take You There

How you feel when you get dumped:
Babysitting Is A Bum Deal

The song you grind to:
Copacabana - xDDDDDDDDDDDDD

The song you mosh to:
Fairy Tales - whats moshing ?!?!?!

The song that goes through your head when you're at the dentist:
How To Touch A Girl - O________O;;

Song that goes through your head when you're getting a haircut:
Eternal Snow

Song they should/shouldv'e played at your prom:
Salome - xD that always makes me think of a bull fight x]]

Song that describes when you and your friends are together:
Rehab - ROFL YES WE ALL NEED TO GO XDDDD

Song that describes your favorite teacher:
Risque

Song that you think of when you see your enemy:
Complicated - thats pretty coincidental xD

Song that describes your religion:
Cupid's Chokehold - xD ... religion is for whores tho x]]

Song that did/will describe your first date:
Because Of You - this time it's the Ne-Yo one

Song you think of when you wake up in the morning:
The Game Of Love - omggggg love this songg !! xD

Song that did/will describe your first kiss:
Lost My Music - ... no significance to the question but i lurrrrrrrrrrrv this song so fucking much !! xD GO J-POP X33

ok so ... its been a while since ive written a note but ... i need to get some thoughts out ... here goes :

so ive been away ... i havent been seen any of my friends in a month and a half and i still have another 5 days to go on this "vacation" . ive realized that visiting family and being on vacation are too completely different things ... ive had so much friggin family time ... its killing me ... the worst part of it is is that i try to talk to my friends online and stuff and they get mad at me for not being with the family who i had hung around with all day ... its driving me fucking insane ... w/e itll be over soon enough . i hope . there have been some ... extremely rough patches out here and the occasional panic attacks that ive had and the other desires ive had that most people would consider something horrible ... but as most of you kno i usually try to be independent and i try to be me and to do things by myself and stay out of everybody's way and carry my own weight ... growing up as an only child ... i was allowed to do that ... here its like my uncle expects me to just do it his way ... ive always had the kind of "this is OUR house" kind of thing in my family ... my uncle is like "this is my house youll do what i tell you" so its such a fucking culture shock ... and my cousin ... forget it ... hes sooooooo annoyingggggggg im ready to fucking KILL HIM ... -sigh- if only no one were around to watch me slam a rock against his head and have him "accidentally" fall into the pool ... and i kno it sounds like everything here is so great i mean theres an amazing pool the backyard is awesome and the house is really nice too . well thts all true .. but theres more than just the house ... another thing that i hate about being out her and i guess i hate it about my dads side of the family in general because i dont get this kind of crap from my moms side .... im treated like suuuuuuuch a child . its like horrible ... and i kno some of those who are reading this are like ... "what does that mean and wtf you are a child" . well ... im not an eastchester brat ... ive been told by several people that im much more mature than most kids my age and i really really hate saying this because it sounds like im bragging but i mean ... i kno that i am and there are people who are complete STRANGERS to me who realize this ... i mean shouldnt my family that has known me for the past 14 years of my life realize that i stopped being a child at like ... 11 years old ?? my mom realized that ... even my DAD realized that i mean ... he didnt like the fact that i was ready to fly across the country alone but he let me do it because he knew i was ready for it because im no longer a child despite what any teacher or any other person says ... but w/e im tired of explaining this to people ... i just wish that i could come back in a flash and be with all my friends ... then w/e happens happens because at least ill be there for it to happen .. out here everything is so distant . im not connected to anything and its horrible to say but .......... without facebook .. i would have forgotten so many of my friends faces .. and even seeing the occasional "so and so has posted a picture" and then ill comment and well talk for a while and we text and stuff and even 3000 miles away im still giving advice and im still getting advice from friends because im fortunate enough to have friends that care for me ... and even though there were a rough 4 weeks with one of them ... we worked it out . and i realized just how much i needed her wen i was gone ... it could have stopped stuff from happening while i was here ... and it was also part of the reason some stuff happened while i was here . its not her fault ... its mine ... but w/e thats done now and i hope it never happens again . and then theres another friend who ... idk what do say . she truly has "fixed me" - and if your reading this you know who you are x]] . wen i get home i cant wait to see all of you guys ... i miss you guys so fucking much -sigh- ... well its getting late and i should go ... for any of those who have read this . please dont give me "oo lucas we miss you so much toooooooo" or like "get over it your in friggin california" i dont want any of those kind of comments thats not what this was for .